I was walking a Cross a Brig and the brig was cricking wile I was walking on it i looked ahead then I notice... that there was a house I got close and on to the lawn there was lots of plants and the house was belt in a tree then I notice it was raining so I went in the house. in the house it was warm and cold and then I saw stirs so i went up them then i saw a stick man I side hi he was nice he asked me if i wanted a Easter egg I side yes please he gave me one Easter egg then a giant robot came because he wanted to stile the Easter egg so we had to hid we went and hid we where safe i side tank you he side by I run home and played outside then mum called me inside because it was EASTER I had heps of Easter egg.I had lots of fun at the mystery house but I did NOT like the robot because it was big and it was going to stile my Easter egg from the stik man who gave it to me.
This is my draft piece of writing. Please leave a comment about what iIdid well and what I need to woke on.
This is my draft piece of writing. Please leave a comment about what iIdid well and what I need to woke on.
Well done Manaia on your draft story. You have used some good descriptive words that help me to imagine that I am there. I can imagine your creaking bridge and the house up in a tree. I wonder whether you could practise words that have a long e sound like Easter. You used creak, heaps, and steal. I am glad the robot did not get your easter egg, I think I would have been too scared and I might have given it to him!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great writing.
Mrs Scott